I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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