birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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