Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
