Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
