Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
