we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
