I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
