yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
