K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
