Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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