everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
