Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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