i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
