I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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