My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
