she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
