i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
