omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
