I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
