she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
