i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
