Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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