if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
