I'm gonna have a badass scar
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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