Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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