i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
