I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
