im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she told me i tasted like america
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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