she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
