The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
