she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
