So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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