why didn't you poke me back
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
