let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
