He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
