NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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