tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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