So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
