matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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