And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
