drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
