i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
