Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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