I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
