We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
