He disabled his match.com account in front of me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
