He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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