im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
