i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
