How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
