I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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