omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
