i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
