Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize