Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
