My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
