i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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