He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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