VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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